Hiii, what’s up?
Going to college. You say?
Nothing much. In college.
This was our conversation today. But say around four years back, around this time of the year, it was the beginning of a new friendship, a one that I wouldn’t ever forget in my entire life.
He had been a friend for many years before today also but today was the day I trusted him and told him about the guy I liked from school. “What!! Seriously?”, he asked. He was so surprised about it but yet listened to me rant about the how and when and why.
The next day I come to know that he’s told his friends about it and now everyone knows. So now my crush knows about it and I look like a fool. Oh yes, I was furious! The whole day he was apologising to me, saying he wouldn’t ever spill the beans again, that he really won’t break my trust again. I knew he wasn’t lying. I knew he meant every word he said and I knew I’d found my best friend. Stupid as it may seem, I replied to him with this.
Later that month, because of him letting the cat out of the bag, my crush proposed to me and we started dating. But this isn’t about me and my crush, it’s about me and my best friend and how I absolutely loved him cause he was the guy who was there for me every single time. He was there when I had to complain about my boyfriend, when I had to talk about when my friends were being absolute bitches, he was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, when I needed a little boost to my morale and also when I needed to be brought back to Earth. He became my go-to person whenever something, anything happened in my life. I remember when it was his 16th birthday, I called him at 12 in the night to wish him Happy Birthday. We’d talked for 6 hours straight over the phone. I never told him this but my parents thought we were dating for a very long time.
After three years, when I’d broken up with my boyfriend of one and a half years, I was attracted to a guy who was, clearly, not the right guy for me. He warned me about it and told me to stay clear. Despite his warning, me being my impulsive self, started dating the guy that I shouldn’t have. I didn’t tell him, my best friend, about it. Until, of course, about two days later when I couldn’t hold it in, I had to tell him. He was never this angry before. He didn’t want to hear anything about it. All he asked me to do was to break up. He was right, as he always was. But I didn’t.
Two months passed and I wished I had listened to my best friend before. This break up was not a good one for me. I was a train wreck. But the one thing that I was glad about was I had my best friend to fall back to. He was there for me even then, when I was at my worst. This dark phase of my life passed, as they always do. It taught me that he was the person who knew me inside out. I was so sure about our friendship lasting a lifetime. I would never in my life dream about losing a friend like him.
The good old days were back, where we fought like cats and dogs, pulled each other’s leg and insulted each other, all in good spirit though. We were comfortable around each other that way. Each of us knew so much about the other that we could write a book about one another. We talked everyday and discussed our lives. Junior college had come to an end and our admission processes had begun. As much as I hoped for the two of us to be in the same college, it wasn’t possible. I feared that this would create distances that we couldn’t bridge, though I knew we had a friendship strong enough.
It started happening around this time. I used to call him to talk and he wouldn’t pick up my calls. He would reply with a message saying I’m out with friends or I’m busy with some college work, I’ll talk to you later. After a few months he stopped even replying by messages, ignoring my calls, ignoring me altogether. I was angry, mad, furious, outraged and all the other adjectives that describe this emotion. After a while I stopped trying. I did feel like talking to him so many times, wanting to tell him about how my college was and how the people were and what my new friends were like. I called him even, when I couldn’t stand not talking to him. But as usual he didn’t pick up. I cried about it one day and let it out of my system, once and for all. I’d lost him, I thought; kept wondering what went wrong with a friendship like that, with a friendship that I’d treasured. Alas! He wasn’t there to tell me.
It was on Holi that I messaged him. He said he was glad I messaged because there was something he had to tell me. He said he’d call me when I’m free. So the next day he calls me and tells me “I’m dating” and “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you”. Turns out he’d been dating for six months and he was with his girlfriend many of the times I called him previously so he couldn’t talk. They were on a trial basis and were seeing whether things worked out between them. He didn’t talk to me for six months cause he didn’t want to lie to me, he said. I asked him, ” Then what have you been doing for the past six months if it wasn’t lying?”. I am happy for him, really. He finally found the right girl, I know she’s good for him. But that isn’t my concern. What really mattered to me was that he didn’t tell me. For a span of time he thought we weren’t best friends anymore. I asked him ” Why? Is it because I kept calling you over and over again trying to know what was going on in your life? Or because You distanced yourself from me?”. He knew the answer and so did I.
I felt like a fool again as I sat in retrospect of what went wrong.
P.S. : Title courtesy to our never ending argument of whether I’m unique or abnormal.